When I was serving as a missionary in Kenya, back in the 80s, our children learnt to read.
I don’t mean the alphabet, and how to discern words. I mean “read”, i.e. the kind of love of reading, devouring books that you do when there is no TV, no cinema, and limited opportunity for “going out”.
There was also a limited supply of literature, though we made the most of what we had and of books that were sent to us from overseas.
Then one day the “sports club” in Kisii town (about half an hour to an hour’s drive away – depending on weather and whether they had repaired the road) closed down its “library” and gave away all its books.
This cornucopia of “literature” included the words of wisdom penned by a rising young pop star in his autobiography, written in his twenties.
Yet even this was devoured by my word-hungry fellow missionary looking for something to read when he was sick. (To be fair, he was suffering from a not unusual bout of malaria, which does affect your saner judgment.)
You have to be conceited, or brash, or expecting a brief life span (and it wasn’t the latter, the pop star lived till a year ago when he died at age 67 from the ill effects of alcohol), to burden the world with your “words of wisdom” in yet another autobiography written when only in your twenties.
But I am no longer in my twenties, and the Bible says:
The days of our lives are seventy years;
And if by reason of strength they are eighty years,
Yet their boast is only labour and sorrow;
For it is soon cut off, and we fly away. (Psa 90:10)
So as I recently turned seventy, and am now living on borrowed time (or, as I like to think, “bonus time”) I thought that, at the risk of considering me conceited or brash, you will allow me to have earned the right me to pass on a few things that I have learnt in those seventy years.
Much of what I have learnt has been from mistakes I have made.
Reflecting on my life at seventy I am particularly thankful that the Lord has overruled my many mistakes for good. And, as one of the purposes of this blog is to help others not to repeat the same mistakes, I share the following with thanksgiving to God:
1. I am thankful to Eileen for marrying me
This was not a mistake – far from it!
It was, by far, the greatest earthly blessing.
But I am conscious of so much I did not understand when Eileen agreed to marry me, and consequently there were many mistakes I made.
There was so much I took for granted.
A friend of ours refers to her husband as her “sanctification” ( I am sure it is mutual) – and it is true.
So much of our sanctification, when married, comes from getting close up and, not only seeing the other’s sins, but more painfully, seeing how your own sins hurt this one human being you thought you were committed to loving and cherishing.
Marriage has taught me a lot about the selfishness of my own heart. By God’s grace I have learnt to appreciate my wife more, listen to her opinions, and not take her for granted.
And, yes, I am still learning.
But I have learnt, am learning, to appreciate what God has given me in my wife.
2. I am thankful for the Lord keeping us together
I am thankful for the covenant glue of marriage.
I believe nothing has bound us together more closely than the common faith we have in Christ. That common faith has glued us together.
I am not saying that is the only reason we find to love each other. Even an unbeliever can see there is a lot to love in Eileen.
Nor am I suggesting that unbelievers cannot love each other, or will inevitably divorce.
God’s common grace extends to unbelievers and believers alike – not only in “the sun and the rain” (Matt 5:45) but in granting sufficient glue to keep marriages together as well. But that is still grace.
Neither Eileen nor I is perfect; and we are both thankful that the God who brought us together, is the same God that, by His grace, kept us together.
I am thankful especially for the glue of a common faith in Christ.
3. I am thankful for family
Once a month a group of us from our church visit a nursing home nearby. There we sing (yes, even I: the residents are much more forgiving of my singing voice than some others I could name), share the gospel, and just sit down with the residents and talk and listen.
One of the saddest things I find in talking to the residents is the number of elderly people who have family, but they rarely come and visit – or don’t come and visit at all because they have fallen out and are not even talking to each other.
I am thankful for family. I am thankful that even though we are now scattered over three continents we regularly catch up with each other – as we did over the Christmas period.
Most of all, I am thankful that, even when we don’t catch up with each other, we are all on good terms with each other – and, again, that the glue that binds most of us together is our common faith in Christ.
Do I have any regrets?
Yes. Like most fathers inevitably you look back and see better ways you could have been there for your children when they were growing up.
Do give family priority over your work, and ambitions.
I grant this is not always easy to work out.
It was not always easy to work out in the ministry. You can commit to always putting your family first. But (to take an extreme example) if you have promised to play cricket with your son after school, but just before he gets home Mrs Jones rings up to say her baby is in hospital, her husband has left her, and her house has burnt down – well, you don’t say, “Sorry, can’t come, I promised to play cricket with my son.”
O.K. I never faced a choice as severe as that.
I’m just pointing out you can never say any earthly priority is absolute – each case has to be weighed up against other responsibilities.
But even allowing for that, I believe I should have given my family a higher priority than I always did.
Yes, get a good balance – but do give family priority over your work, and ambitions.
Remember that when you are in that nursing home, your old boss and work colleagues aren’t going to visit you each week – let alone the board of directors you worked so hard to impress to get that promotion.
4. I am thankful for Christian friends
It took me a long time to appreciate the value of genuine Christian friends.
When I was younger I tended to work on my own and not “need” others.
Also, before I entered the ministry, I trained, then worked, as an engineer for ten years. I have known some good people-oriented engineers – though I was probably not one of them. As an engineer I had a utilitarian approach to resources, including people resources.
This did not prepare me well for building up good, genuine Christian friendships.
Instead I made “friends” with some who used me, and others whom I used. I had to learn the hard way.
I also loved reading Christian biographies from the past which can nurture an unrealistic, “romantic” (i.e. in the non-amorous, idealistic sense) view of Christian friendship.
I am thankful that I learnt from all such misguided notions and now have many good friends in Christ – not perfect, as I am not perfect; but genuine in their commitment to Christ and in their love for their friends.
I will keep working at this.
5. I am thankful God put me in the ministry
I echo Paul’s words:
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. (1 Timothy 1:12-14)
I do not claim that all my mistakes and sins, “I did ignorantly in unbelief”, but I can testify that “the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant” and rejoice that in God’s goodness “I obtained mercy”.
As I note elsewhere, in About me, 1 Timothy 1:15 has always been a precious verse to me, even from my teenage years:
This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
I also noted there:
“At the time it was a joy to my heart to realise that Christ Jesus came to save me; as I grew older and the number and forms of sin in my life multiplied I have come to understand better the last five words in that verse and wondered even more that the Lord would save me.”
Above all:
6. I am thankful for my relationship with God
This I have learnt, is the most important relationship of all.
I am thankful for “the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit”. (2 Cor 13:14)
I am thankful for the love of God my heavenly Father.
I am thankful for the forgiveness of my many sins through the grace of Christ my Saviour.
I am thankful for the daily comfort of the Holy Spirit.
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