Some years ago Jerry Bridges wrote his book Respectable Sins.
In that book, he acknowledged “that some sins are more serious than others (I would rather be guilty of a lustful look than of adultery)”. Or, as we say in the Shorter Catchism Q.83: “Some sins in themselves, and by reason of several aggravations, are more heinous in the sight of God than others”.

But though “some sins are more heinous than others”, yet “every sin, both original and actual, being a transgression of the righteous law of God, and contrary thereunto, does, in its own nature, bring guilt upon the sinner, whereby he is bound over to the wrath of God, and curse of the law, and so made subject to death, with all miseries spiritual, temporal, and eternal.” (Westminster Confession ch 6, § VI).
Or, as Bridges put it: “Jesus said that, with that lustful look, I have actually committed adultery in my heart.” Hence (he adds), “all sin is serious because all sin is a breaking of God’s law.”

Respectable Sins

But Bridges noted that we, sometimes without thinking, think in terms of some sins that, because they are not so serious, are automatically forgivable (or, as he put it, “respectable”) and others that are not – similar to the Roman Catholic distinction between “venial” and “mortal” sins.

Of course, we readily recognise this in the way the surrounding culture so easily dismisses any number of sins as not all that sinful – or, not sinful at all. But Bridges’ concern was with “not the obvious sins of our culture, but the subtle sins of believers”.
“What about our conservative, evangelical churches?” he asks. “Has the idea of sin all but disappeared from us also? No, it has not disappeared, but it has, in many instances, been deflected to those outside our circles who commit flagrant sins such as abortion, homosexuality, and murder, or the notorious white-collar crimes of high-level corporate executives. It’s easy for us to condemn those obvious sins while virtually ignoring our own sins of gossip, pride, envy, bitterness, and lust, or even our lack of those gracious qualities that Paul calls the fruit of the Spirit (see Gal 5:22-23).”

He continues: “On the whole, we appear to be more concerned about the sins of society than we are the sins of the saints. In fact, we often indulge in what I call the ‘respectable’ or even ‘acceptable’ sins without any sense of sin. Our gossip or unkind words about a brother or sister in Christ roll easily off our tongues without any awareness of wrongdoing. We harbour hurts over wrongs long past without any effort to forgive as God has forgiven us…”
“We were incensed, and rightfully so, when a major denomination ordained a practicing homosexual as a bishop. Why do we not also mourn over our selfishness, our critical spirit, our impatience, and our anger?”

So, in his book, Bridges addressed what he saw as the “respectable sins” of believers in his day – things such as: Unthankfulness, Anxiety, Frustration, Discontentment, Pride, Selfishness, Lack of Self-Control etc.

Respectable Sins Today

More recently, Tim Challies observed that the list of respectable sins can change over time. “What was respectable in one era can be scandalous in another before once again fading back to respectability.”
In this internet age he was particularly concerned with “sins that are fostered and spread online.” He listed six such sins.

These are worth considering – as well as another that I’ve added.

1. Lack of Graciousness

I have added this one (Bridges also refers to “our lack of those gracious qualities”) and put it first, because I think it “covers a multitude of sins”.
It lies at the root of most, or all, of those that follow.

The Bible commands: “Let your graciousness be known to everyone.” (Phil 4:5 HCSB) The word “graciousness” (Gk. epieikēs) “expresses that considerateness that looks ‘humanely and reasonably at the facts of a case’” (Vine). It occurs in Phil 4:5, 1 Tim 3:3, Tit 3:2, Jas 3:17, 1 Pet 2:18 and is attributed to one who is variously described as “gracious, gentle, kind, reasonable, considerate, forbearing”.

But it is easier to proclaim grace than to practise it. While we love to preach God’s grace, it has been my experience that not all who major on grace practise graciousness towards those who disagree with them.
“My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.” (Jas 3:1-2)

It is right that we, openly and plainly, expose leaders who pursue an obviously immoral life style (eg. Eph 5:11) or teach serious doctrinal error (eg. 1 Joh 4:1) – see also here.
But it is ungracious when friendships break up over minor disagreements; when instead we “harbour hurts over wrongs long past without any effort to forgive as God has forgiven us.”
It is ungracious, when “debating” doubtful issues, in church circles or on the internet, to resort to an aggressiveness that is out of all proportion.

(following are Tim Challies’ comments…)

2. Suspicion

This is a polarized age that is made worse by news outlets and social media that thrive on praising insiders while vilifying outsiders. The ideal of objectivity has been replaced by the vice of suspicion.

While the Bible does praise wisdom and discernment, it rejects suspicion, especially toward our fellow believers.
We have no right to doubt others by default or to have a cautious distrust of them, as if they are guilty until proven innocent. We cannot allow ourselves to be suspicious of the actions, motives, or salvation of brothers and sisters in the Lord.
After all, love is shown not only in our actions, but also in our attitudes, for “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

While we always need to be on guard against false teaching and false teachers within the church, we equally need to be on guard against suspicion within our hearts. There’s nothing respectable about it.

3. Gossip

Our ubiquitous digital devices and always-on social media have given us the ability to communicate with unparalleled speed and scope.
But with this great power comes a sobering responsibility, for the Bible often warns about the power of our words and our tendency to use them poorly. Both life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).

We are responsible to not only speak the truth about others, but also to turn away from those who do not. After all, it takes two to gossip and just as it is sin to speak ill of others, it is sin to listen undiscerningly.
Yet the Christian world, and perhaps especially the Reformed Christian world, is absolutely chockablock with gossip. From the pulpit to the pew, from the conference green room to the conference livestream, gossip is rampant. It is whispered in the name of important information and blogged in the name of discernment – both ways of dressing it up in respectable apparel.

But if it isn’t true and it isn’t edifying and it isn’t necessary, it is gossip. Truly, gossip may be the besetting sin of this movement and a major contributor to her current or coming collapse.
(See also here, KS)

4. Slander

Closely connected to gossip is slander. When we slander another person we utter false statements meant to damage their reputation.

The way we can make this sin respectable is to insist that we are warning others away from a false teacher and protecting naive and helpless sheep. We are only damaging that person’s reputation because we have such love and concern for others!
What we tend to do, then, is pass on information we have heard through the channels of gossip, but have not verified or validated. And so we follow the lead of people who have fabricated information for the ugliest of motives and we spread it around as if it is true.

Though our motives may be good (or, at least, not utterly depraved) our actions are still sinful. Be warned: “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak” (Matthew 12:36).

5. Meddling

Neil Postman once asked this question: “How often does it occur that information provided you on morning radio or television, or in the morning newspaper, causes you to alter your plans for the day, or to take some action you would not otherwise have taken, or provides insight into some problem you are required to solve?”
In most cases the answer is “not very often.”

The same might be asked of information we glean from social media or other sources of Christian news and information. How often do we actually do anything about it? And perhaps even better, how often is it really our responsibility to do something about it?
Postman lamented the impotent cycle in which “the news elicits from you a variety of opinions about which you can do nothing except to offer them as more news, about which you can do nothing.”

I’m convinced we experience something similar today where we receive news about which we can do nothing, so what we do is pass it on, broadcasting our opinion, our joy, our outrage.
But passing it on is not a neutral act. It can, in fact, be an act of meddling, the action of a busybody.
Broadcasting opinions about situations that have happened at a great distance from us, that do not concern us, about which we can do nothing, and about which we know very little, seems to match the very definition of meddling.

6. Idleness

Every new technology brings with it both benefits and drawbacks, and social media is no exception.
People can use social media to be tremendously productive – to unleash their gifts, talents, time, energy, and enthusiasm for the good of others and the glory of God.
But people can also use social media to be tremendously unproductive. Their use of social media can reflect idleness and indolence. We can dress up our use of social media as building a platform or expressing discernment or offering encouragement.

But if we are honest with ourselves, for many of us it is a means of escape from the real world and from our real lives.
It is laziness, not productivity, and the Bible has repeated and sobering warnings about those who are lazy (e.g. Ecclesiastes 10:18, Proverbs 19:15, 1 Thessalonians 5:14).
Ironically, the people who are most active on social media may also be the most idle.

7. Impugning

To impugn is to dispute the truth, validity, or honesty of another person’s motives.
And closely connected to disputing another person’s motives is suggesting that you know the truth behind them. There is so much of this in the Christian world today, and it generates so little disapproval, that it must be classified as respectable.

Yet a little biblically-guided introspection should tell us that we often don’t even know our own motives, and if we do not know our own, how could we possibly know anyone else’s?
James 3:17–18 challenges us that “the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”
1 Corinthians 4:5 warns that we must “not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart.”

If we are to assume anything about another person’s motives, we must assume the very best, not the very worst. When it comes to a brother or sister in Christ, it is sinful to assume bad motives; it is sinful to fail to assume good motives.

(Tim Challies concludes with the following comment…)

Each of us is a saint, yet each of us is still a sinner. As such, we remain attracted to certain sins and prone even to dress them up in respectable garb.
It is a good and necessary discipline, then, to examine ourselves to consider not only the sins we consider ugliest, but also the ones we consider most beautiful. We do this knowing that even the most “respectable” of our sins is odious to God and, for that reason, ought to be equally odious to his people.

(end of Tim Challies’ comments)

Seven Deadly Sins

The above list of Seven Deadly Sins overlaps some of those that are traditionally listed as such: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride.
But the sins listed here are where we as Christians can easily slip up today while finding it easy to excuse ourselves because, well, such sins are not serious, they’re “venial” or, at least, “respectable”.

But “every sin, both original and actual, in its own nature, brings guilt upon the sinner.”
“Every sin” is deadly.

“Every sin”, to be washed away, cost the precious blood of Christ.