The middle of last century saw a renewed interest, not just in doctrine, but in practice in churches. Among the latter was the practice of Biblical submission – both in marriage and in church membership.
This led to a renewed emphasis on complementarity in marriage, and to a new concern to take eldership and membership seriously in churches.

But wherever Christians take Biblical truth more seriously, the devil is always at work seeking to promote an extreme that in the end is no longer the truth, so that the truth itself will be discredited.
In marriage this led to some husbands insisting (and some churches encouraging) the sort of submission in wives that becomes marital abuse.
And in churches, the devil sought to pervert the meaning of submission by promoting a controlling, heavy-handed approach by leadership, where members suffered ecclesiastical abuse at the hands of Diotrephes (3 John 9-11).

As they say: “Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
And not only leaders; members too have power, more than they realise – which, when corrupted, can be enormous, to disrupt and cause damage.

It is now 50 years since I was set apart as an elder in the denomination in which I still serve.
The denomination was young, as was the eldership – there was scarcely an elder over 40.
(When Paul told Timothy “Let no one despise your youth…” (1 Tim 4:12) “youth” there refers to any age under 40.)
I myself was only half that age – which was a problem and, though I have often failed throughout all my ministry, I made many more mistakes in my younger years. If I can now help younger elders avoid some of those mistakes I will think my life not wasted.

Our leadership was relatively young back then. With “youth” comes, not only energy, but inexperience in being able to handle power, as well as a sense of insecurity that wants to make certain no one “despises our youth”. In addition, not a few of our early leaders were suspicious of an older generation that they believed had let them down – as was expressed to me when I at first objected to myself being set apart so young.

Our denomination began with good intentions. We came out of an era where most major denominations in Australia were in the grip of liberalism that spent more time denying what the Bible teaches than affirming it. We were keen to get back to what the Bible teaches – nothing more, and nothing less.

But as we rediscovered the Biblical doctrine of submission we also began to go to extremes. Some of our leaders began to demand obedience without question, and any who objected were peremptorily dealt with.
I too was caught up in this at times.

But one day I heard an elder state his opinion that, in the end, the only reason a person is excommunicated is lack of submission to the elders. His reasoning was that, in the case of serious sin (eg. adultery) – or any sin, for that matter – a sinner could be forgiven if he repented (as the elders would require of him). But if he refused to listen to the elders, he would be excommunicated. Hence, finally, he would be excommunicated, not for the sin itself, but for not submitting to the elders and their counsel.
This sounded logical at the time, and subsequently I heard more than one elder explain it this way.

But, of course, it is all wrong.
No one should be excommunicated simply for not listening to the elders. In the end, the reason for church discipline has to be the (unrepented of) sin itself – nothing else.
To posit the ultimate grounds for discipline in lack of submission to the elders opens the floodgates to all kinds of ecclesiastical abuse.
It was as I thought on this and realised where this was leading that I began to draw back.

Thankfully I was not the only one and as a result, more than 30 years ago now, our denomination squarely faced up to where it was heading and not only publicly repented of any former excesses, but deliberately sought out any who had been mistreated and sought their forgiveness.
Our denomination repented specifically in the following areas:

1. The abuse of the biblical principle of safety in “a multitude of counsellors” by confronting an individual with a large number of elders where only a few men should have met with him.
2. The failure on occasions to allow an individual to defend himself by interpreting any such attempt as a means of self-justification and rebellion.
3. Where the case has been worked out beforehand, without adequate evidence.
4. Where harsh dealing with an individual has been a subjective reaction to feeling personally threatened by that individual.
5. Where there has been prejudice to a case by gossip and exposure of the matter before it has been dealt with by Presbytery.
6. Where there has been a legalistic expectation to find a single cause for an individual’s problems because such has been the case with others.
7. Where we have been too quick to wrath.
8. Where dealings with an individual have been out of all proportion to the sin which has prompted the dealing.

We added:

As a Presbytery we are very conscious that discipline is a necessary mark of the Church, and its demise would spell the death of the church. We are also aware that there is sin in everything that we do and there is no such thing as a case of discipline wherein we do not sin in some matter or degree. However, we are also convicted that in the above matters we have grievously sinned, sometimes in our ignorance, but sometimes in the face of warnings from others, and have need to repent of these things and to return to a biblical balance in the application of discipline in the Church.

Since then I have tried to work through what Biblical submission means and how we should go about exercising authority in the church.
What are we to look for in church members who are told to “obey those who rule over you, and be submissive” (Heb 13:17)?

What  has helped me most in this exercise has been to think through that only other authority-submission relationship specifically between Christian adults: i.e. Christian marriage.
Wives are to “obey” their husbands (Titus 2:5, 1 Peter  3:6). But what does this mean?
And what light does it shed on how members are to “obey those who rule over you” ?

The word “obey” in Heb 13:17 (Gk. peithō in middle/passive voice ) is not the usual Greek word for “obey” (i.e. hypakouō) in the New Testament, but one that means (lit.) “to be persuaded” (as in Acts 27:11 etc), and it is usually translated this way (i.e. as “to be persuaded/ convinced/ assured”), rather than (much less frequently) “to obey”.
Whatever “obedience” is implied in Heb 13:17 (and other similar verses that relate to church members), it cannot mean the “obedience without question” required of children, but that which results from the kind of intelligent “reasoning” and “persuasion” we exercise with one another as adults. After all, as preachers, our primary purpose in preaching is, not simply to declare, but “to persuade” (eg. Acts 14:43, 17:4-5, 18:4, 19:8, 19:26, 26:28, 28:23-24, 2 Cor 5:11 etc)

This is also the way “obedience” works in marriage. Even when the Bible uses the more usual word for “obedience” when speaking of marriage (eg. hypakouō in 1 Pet 3:6), to interpret this to mean a husband can require of one’s wife obedience without question not only borders on, but is in fact, emotional abuse.

From this we get a number of useful insights into how we as elders are to exercise authority and expect submission in the church.

1. Respect members as equals

Immediately after Peter has referred to the godly example of Sarah who “obeyed” her husband (1 Pet 3:6) he reminds husbands that their wives are the husbands’ equals, as “heirs together of the grace of life” (v 7).
It is also instructive that, before Paul tells wives to “submit to your own husbands” (Eph 5:22), he first tells all (in authority and under authority) in the church to “submit to one another in the fear of the Lord” (v 21).

All members (in authority and under authority) in the church are “heirs together of the grace of life”; and all members are “in lowliness of mind to esteem others better than himself” (Phil 2:3).
It is important therefore that the leadership include all members in its decision making – just as a husband would (or, should) his wife.
As David Jones put it:

Good clear communication is essential in both directions. It involves listening and receiving feedback from everyone involved.
Aim for consensus. Aim for unity.
Aim to bring everyone to a common mind regarding what you are seeking to achieve.
For this to happen, discussion is needed at all levels…

2. Honour members, just as you expect them to honour you

Peter tells husbands to “give honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel” (1 Pet 3:7).
And, in the church, all members (in authority and under authority) are “in honour to give preference to one another” (Rom 12.10).

Even where two women were causing disunity in the church in Philippi, Paul makes it clear he still holds them in honour as “these women who laboured with me in the gospel”, whom he calls his “fellow workers”, and “whose names are in the Book of Life.” (Phil 4:2-3)

3. Look for honour through your work, more than by your office

When Paul addresses husbands and wives in Eph 5, yes he tells the wife to “see that she respects her husband” (v 33). But he does not tell the husband to insist on his right to be respected, rather he focuses on the husband’s responsibility, i.e. to “love his wife, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (v 25).
The Bible would have each of us focus on what he, or she, is to do rather than on what he, or she, has a right to.

So, when Paul tells church members to “recognise those who labour among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love…” it is not for the sake of their office, but  “…for their work’s sake” (1 Thes 5:12-13).
Whatever members owe us by virtue of our office, let us, as elders, aim to earn the respect of those we rule over by how we go about our work.

4. Be understanding

Husbands are to “dwell with their wives with understanding” (1 Pet 3:7).
We are to seek to understand those we exercise authority over – which will mean, at times, seeking to understand why (in our view, at least) they seem to be treating us unfairly.
It is unhelpful in a marriage to seek to address this by insisting: “I am in authority here; the Bible says you must obey me.” That is a recipe for disaster.
Likewise, in the church, it is unhelpful to resort to such tactics.

Sometimes, it is true, there are those who are “wicked”, or (even worse) “unreasonable” (2 Thes 3:2, cf Rom 16:17-18, Tit 3:10-11) who will not be “persuaded”, by “reason”, of Biblical truth.
But, more often than not, where tensions arise, that seemingly difficult member is not being deliberately rebellious, and we need to understand (even if at first we don’t agree with) what is going on. For, those under authority – whether wives or church members – can easily feel disempowered and not listened to.

Even in that most unequal of authority-submission relationships: fathers and children,  fathers are to be careful how they exercise their authority and to watch out that they “do not provoke their children to wrath” (Eph 6:4)
How much more in equal relationships in church and marriage.

Speaking of “fathers”:

5. Exercise the patience of a parent

Paul was able to say to the Christians in Thessalonica, “we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. So, affectionately longing for you…” (1 Thes 2:7-8).
And, again, he refers to “how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children” (vv 10-11).

This is not grounds to treat church members as children; but it is a model for how we are to go about ruling in the church.

6. All of you, love and be patient with one another

We know Paul tells husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Eph 5:25).
But first, he tells all members to “walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us” (v 2).
And to all members (in authority and under authority) the Bible says: “All of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1 Pet 3:8)
And: “Put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Col 3:12-13)

“But above all these things put on love…” (v 14)