Everyone begins life single. And most people (including at least half the number of those who do marry) finish life single.
But most of us, when we were younger, looked forward to marriage. And while some choose to remain single “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake” (Matt 19:12), yet “not all can accept this” (v.11) and find it difficult if marriage does not come their way.

I myself dread the prospect of becoming single if Eileen predeceases me as I cannot imagine life without her. But we are both so thankful for the 53 years (so far) the Lord has given us together. That blessing alone suggests I am not the best person to give advice to a single person.
But I found the following interview by Mark Powell with Catherine Searle deeply moving.

MARK POWELL

INTERVIEWS CATHERINE SEARLE

Mark: How did you become a Christian?

Catherine: Mine’s a fairly traditional Christian testimo­ny in that I grew up in a Christian family. Both of my grandfathers were Christian ministers – one a Baptist pastor, and the other was a Presbyterian minister and Principal of what was then Melbourne Bible Institute which became the Bible College of Victoria.
I gave my life to the Lord at the age of seven and have grown in faith since then. I haven’t had a period where I didn’t have any knowledge of the Lord and I haven’t had a period of rebellion.

Mark: What happened in your life in terms of your early adulthood?

Catherine: My twenties were a great time as I was working as an archaeologist. I was travelling the world, I had a great career and really, really enjoyed my 20s. It was only until I got into my 30s that I started to realise that the traditional expectation that you grow up, get married, have kids, buy the house etc., wasn’t panning out for me.
I had cancer in my late 20s which was a huge test. It was a rare type and was described as invariably fatal. I was given three years to live and so I had to come to terms with what I thought was my impending death which obviously didn’t happen. Looking back now, that wasn’t as huge a spiritual test in light of what was to come.

Mark: What was the greater spiritual test?

Catherine: It was the singleness battle. Once women get into our 30s, the body clock is ticking. And that’s when we start to feel the pressure that if I don’t have kids soon then that door is going to close. I had friends who were all having kids and especially in the church the majority of people do get married and have loads of kids, even more so than in the world. And you do feel a bit left on the shelf and that’s hard.

Mark: What do you think was the greatest grief? Was it a sense of unfulfillment in terms of not having chil­dren yourself? Or is there something even in terms of your own relationship with God and how he viewed you?

Catherine: That’s a key question. It started out being ‘I need a husband and children to be fulfilled.’ That’s what life’s all about and there are plenty of references in the Bible that point to children being a blessing, and instructions to be fruitful and multiply and all those sorts of things.
As I prayed, it became really clear to me that this was a much bigger test of my faith in the Lord, and I was watching other single women who were reaching their wit’s end. The Lord wasn’t answering their prayers, at least not in the way they wanted him to, and they were taking matters into their own hands.
Was I willing to say to the Lord: ‘I’m going to trust you even if you don’t give me what I want?’ I realised then that I didn’t actually believe that he loved me, which was a really shocking revelation for me.

Mark: How did you resolve that question?

Catherine: It took years of prayer, and it’s a very painful process when it’s that slow. I poured my heart out to the Lord. I actually wrote my prayers in journals. Looking back now I sort of laugh at them because they weren’t particularly sophisticated. It was pretty basic; it was just me pouring my heart out.

Mark: Do you think there’s a desire for a family for marriage and for children that could be idolatrous?

Catherine: I think that’s a very good question. It’s a hard one to answer because it certainly can become an idol, absolutely! But it’s also a God-given desire. I can completely understand why single Christian women get to that point where they’re running out of time to have kids, and they give up and they take matters into their own hands. I look back now and think it’s only by the grace of God that he opened my eyes to what was really going on at the spiritual level, and he personally gave me the faith to get through because I couldn’t have done it in my own strength. He opened my eyes to the fact that I have two advocates – Christ and the Holy Spirit – who are much more powerful and effective advocates before God than I could ever be.

Mark: What would you say to the person reading (or listening) to this right now who is at rock bottom?

Catherine: I think they’re in the best possible place they could be at rock bottom, which sounds insensitive but that to me is a sign that the Lord has brought them there, because I’ve learned when he really wants to use a person and bring them into a much deeper level of faith and relationship with himself he has to bring us to rock bottom. Because we can’t achieve anything of eternal value in our own strength.

Mark: That reminds me of John the Baptist where he says of the Lord Jesus Christ, that he must become greater, and I must become less.

Catherine: Yeah, absolutely. It’s death to self! I had to learn that through this singleness battle. I had to learn that what I want at the end of the day doesn’t matter and it took me years to learn that. You know I’m in my 50s now. The worst of that battle is behind me, but it’s not over. I still would love to be married. I could adopt kids … I’d do that in a heartbeat but if the Lord doesn’t want that for me, if he’s got other things for me to do then I choose that. I choose what the Lord wants to do with me.

Mark: Some people say that if you come to God, he’ll bless you in every way. He’ll make you healthy, wealthy and wise. But the way of the Cross is the way of death to self, isn’t it?

Catherine: It is, absolutely. And it really bothers me that we live in a day and age where this false prosperi­ty gospel is so pervasive, and people fall for the lie that the Lord wants to pour out all of this worldly blessing on us and it’s not going to leave us wanting anything.
I think that the Lord’s got bigger issues with most of us than just the material things that we want. The path of brokenness is not against his will but very much at the centre of it, because it’s bringing us to himself. It’s giving us the greatest gift of all which is himself. But to receive that we must die to self.

Mark: How do you think we can be more considerate of single people in our churches?

Catherine: It is sometimes hard to be single in the church. I know there are single women out there who very much feel this and will support me in saying that the church is not traditionally very good at including single women or single people generally. But I think at the end of the day you know the church is a big family. One of the things that helped immensely was being part of a church that was a big family, and I had spiritu­al kids and aunts and uncles and grandparents.

Mark: What does it look like practically, that there’s been positive relationships with you being an ‘auntie’?

Catherine: I was able to be fairly proactive and get involved and do things. I was a youth leader and a Sunday school teacher and I have lots of spiritual kids that way which has been a real blessing to me. It’s not the same but it is a blessing. On a personal level there are practical little things like inviting people over for lunch on a Sunday or on special days. It might feel a bit awkward to have something of a stranger coming on your family event but there should be people in the church who are willing to do that and willing to bring people in and not leave them alone.

Mark: What would you say to people that have made mistakes or compromised their faith in this regard?

Catherine: That’s a vital question, and I think it’s really important that we acknowledge that we’re human. We can fall, yet there is redemption for all of us. Jesus Christ died to redeem us and bring us back and to transform our lives. No matter how much you’ve screwed up your life, there is hope for you. There is re­demption for you. You just need to take it to the Lord. The blood of Jesus Christ is powerful to redeem and transform.

Mark: What do you think are some ways God has used you in your singleness and has given you the opportu­nity to do good?

Catherine: I have mentioned youth leadership, youth groups, Sunday school teaching, young adult groups, and supporting churches in my professional capacity.
I’m also currently completing a PhD. That would just be impossible for me if I were married and had a family. One of the things that I was able to do while I lived in London, and I’m keen to do again, is to take people to Israel and lead them on tours through Israel. I worked as an archaeologist for many years, and I have an inter­est in biblical history,
Old Testament history especially. Israel is so packed full of amazing historic sites, and it makes the Bible come alive to know something of its historical, cultural and political context.

Mark: What keeps you going?

Catherine: The challenge and the walk of faith never ends whether we’re single or married, whether we have children or we don’t. We must always walk by faith, which means being strong and courageous. The challenges are there, they don’t go away. People battle with all sorts of different things. Whether singleness and childlessness is your battle, or whether it’s some­thing else, you need faith to get through it. And faith comes from the Lord, not from us. But we can look to him and he promises to bring us through.

This interview appeared in the current print copy of "Australian Presbyterian" which I recommend you buy. (Go to ap.contact@ap.org.au) To listen to the full interview go here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQyqzc8oBdw An article on “Singleness and the Christian Woman” by Catherine Searle appears in the Feb 2023 on-line copy of AP here: https://ap.org.au/2023/02/24/christ-and-singleness/

Catherine Searle is the granddaughter of John Searle who, for many years, was Principal of Melbourne Bible Institute. John Searle was a faithful minister of the gospel in a day when the evangelical faith was under widespread attack in the Presbyterian Church. I heard him, to my own profit, at the Katoomba Christian Convention back in the 1960s.