It is barely a month since I attended a funeral at which 500 people were allowed to be present – and there must have been close to that number there.
Since then, things have gone downhill at a dizzying pace: only 100 allowed at public gatherings, then only ten at a funeral, and five at the wedding I spoke at two weeks ago.
And now – at least here, in Queensland, at the time of writing – only two allowed together in public, at a distance.
Then there were two!
One way or another, everyone has been feeling the effects of increasing isolation, especially those who are not allowed out at all.
The Pain of One
There is one alone, without companion:
He has neither son nor brother.
Yet there is no end to all his labours,
Nor is his eye satisfied with riches.
But he never asks, ‘For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?’
This also is vanity and a grave misfortune.
. – Ecclesiates 4:8
If nothing else, our present isolation has made us appreciate how much we had, and still hope to have, in being able to interact freely with others.
We are thankful, though, that in this digital age, we have many opportunities (albeit, second best) still to stay in touch with each other.
Also, many of us have family, or at least one other person, to share our isolation with.
But, this has also made us more aware of the pain endured by those who have no one else to share their isolation with; and of those who, even apart from the present crisis, perpetually live all alone.
Our hearts go out to them.
But it is not those, as such, that Solomon is thinking of in the passage above.
Rather it is the person who deliberately chooses to live alone. He lives only for himself; he doesn’t want any others to bother him.
He doesn’t need anyone else: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”
This, says Solomon, is a meaningless life.
It is the selfish life.
It is “vanity”.
How does a person like this think?
Solomon gets inside this man’s head:
1) This person thinks only of his own interests:
He is completely focused on what he has to do on his own list.
He is the typical workaholic: “He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labours.”
All he can think of is his own work, even though, by his work, he is not providing for anyone else.
The Bible says that the main reason we work, is to provide for those in need, including, but not only, for oneself: “Let a person labour, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need” (Eph 4:28)
It is meaningless, “vanity”, to work just for yourself.
2) This man thinks he never has enough:
Though “there is no end to all his labours”, yet “his eye is never satisfied with riches.”
He never thinks he has enough.
3) This man doesn’t stop to think how stupid all this is:
“He never asks, ‘For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?’”
Socrates said: “The unexamined life is not worth living”
But this man is so busy working – just for himself – he doesn’t have time to think.
Or, to live.
That is the vanity of living life solely for yourself.
It is a meaningless existence.
God provided the solution for the solitary life back in the Garden of Eden.
Even before the Fall, when everything was perfect… well, almost: there was one thing that wasn’t “good”.
Even in the Garden of Eden, God said: “It is not good that man should be alone.” Even in Paradise, Man could not be happy alone.
So God said: “I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
None of us is an island; we are all frail and dependent on others.
The world boasts in “The Power of One”: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”
But the Bible, instead, focuses us on:
The Power of Two
Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12a
We found it difficult when socialising was restricted to two, at the same time hearing of the ever increasing numbers of infections and deaths.
At the time of writing, there were two million cases of COVID-19 in the world, and 136,000 (reported) deaths – a decrease in world population of 0.0017 per cent.
By way of contrast, a very lonely Adam lay down to sleep one day, then awoke after his afternoon nap to discover the population of the world had doubled, grown 100 per cent!
The one was now two!
God’s answer to Man’s loneliness was to bring him a companion, a wife.
In a perfect world, that was enough.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
Then there were two.
Companionship is God’s answer to the pain of one
This is true, even for those who are not married.
Marriage is not the only solution God provides for “aloneness”.
“Two are better than one” in the passage above does not refer only to marriage. It refers to companionship of any kind.
Companionship is available to all – married or not. That is God’s solution for all aloneness.
Which is just as well, as most of us spend a good portion of our lives not married. And half of those who are married now, face a day when we will no longer have a marriage partner.
But though marriage is not the only solution to aloneness, it is the most wonderful solution – as long as the couple love each other, honour each other, and are there for each other.
Sadly, in this fallen world, where a couple do not love each other, honour each other, and are not there for each other, there is no lonelier place on earth than in such a marriage. The loneliest place on earth is to feel alone in a lonely marriage.
But where marriage is as it was meant to be it is God’s most wonerful solution to aloneness.
Two genders as a picture of what God is like
God made two genders, only two: male and female.
“God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Gen 1:27
In those two sexes the image of God is “clearly seen.”
Since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse.
. – Rom 1:20
Today the world is wilfully blind; it is wilfully confused over gender.
Six years ago Facebook launched a feature that allowed users to choose from as many as 71 options for identifying their gender: this was later “scaled back” to 58 options, including such things as “androgyne”, “gender fluid”, “neutrois”, “non-binary”, “pangender”, “two-spirit”. But even then complaints poured in that 58 options was too limiting; so Facebook added a “free-form field” in which people could “customize” their gender identity.
With the “image” so distorted it is no wonder they do not see God.
They did not glorify God as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man…
Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonour their bodies among themselves…”
. – Rom 1:21-24
Two in union as a picture of our union with Christ
A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
. – Eph 5:31-32
In marriage two genders become “one flesh”.
This union – physical, emotional, spiritual – which can only exist in the bond of marriage, is the a true picture of the union between Christ and His redeemed people.
“Two are better than one…”
How are two better than one – especially in marriage?
Here are four “W’s” (that I have pinched from Mr WW: the ever alliterative Warren Wiersbe).
1) Work
“Two are better than one – because they have a good reward for their labour.”
As we saw above, the alone person doesn’t know why he labours.
But in marriage all the work you do, you are doing (one way or another) for one another. In the other, you always have at least one good reason to work.
Your labour is never just about you; it is always about the other person as well.
Best of all, you both share together in the reward of the wife’s labour – when, by her labour, she brings children into the world.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” (Psa 127:3)
2) Walk:
“Two are better than one, because – if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”
One of the greatest blessings of marriage – a good marriage – is that you are guaranteed always to have another there to help you when you stumble.
Other friends may come and go; but a marriage partner is for life.
This is especially critical when it comes to your spiritual walk.
The Bible says, “If one is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.” (Gal 6:1)
In marriage, you always have one, that knows you better than anyone else, who will be there gently to get you back on your feet you when you stumble.
3) Warmth:
“Two are better than one, because – if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?”
Hard to imagine here in Queensland.
But even in a warm climate, there is the emotional warmth of snuggling together.
But there is also spiritual warmth: we need each other for spiritual warmth.
Our faith and love grow cold so easily. We need to draw near to each other to keep each other spiritually warm.
This is true of Christian fellowship in general.
I think is was Augustus Franké (a leader in the 17th C. Pietist Movement in Germany) who first compared Christians to coals in a fire: when they cling together, they keep the flame aglow; when they separate, they die out.
4) Withstanding:
“Two are better than one, because – though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.”
Troubles come. Adversity comes.
Sometimes adversity threatens to overwhelm you. And overwhelm you, it may.
But two together can face adversity, and overcome. Together, we will overcome!
There have been many times in my life when I have felt overwhelmed, been overcome.
I would’ve collapsed, I would’ve run away – except, by the grace of God, God gave me a wife!
And together we were able to withstand what would have overcome either one of us on our own.
The Perfection of Three
…and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.. – . –
. – Eccl 4:12b
God is perfect.
God is three. He is tripersonal.
This means God is complete.
Louis Berkhof notes that: “Personality does not develop nor exist in isolation, but only in association with other persons. Hence it is not possible to conceive of personality in God apart from an association of equal persons in Him.”
For personality to flourish we need:
– someone else to communicate with
– someone else to communicate with us
– two someone elses to observe how they communicate with each other.
There needs to be three.
God is three.
In marriage there is a special relationship between two, must be only between those two. What is special between the two must not be shared with any other.
I am referring not only to the physical relationship. There is much in a marriage relationship that is special between the two, as well as the physical relationship.
As the former Princess of Wales famously explained the break-up of her marriage in these terms: “There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
But in marriage it is still important to have other friends.
Without other friends a marriage will become boring, because outside relationships also help you grow, and thereby become more interesting to each other.
Without other friends a couple becomes isolated. An isolated couple becomes as pathetic and as selfish as an isolated individual.
But, keep those friends out of what is special between just the two of you alone. Don’t let that two become three.
But, here is an exception:
There is a “third” that, far from undermining the two of you, will strengthen the two of you.
“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
That third one is: God!
Always make God the third One in every aspect of your marriage; and your marriage will be stronger than ever.
It will become a “a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
“Seek first the kingdom of God” together !
Marriage won’t solve all your problems.
Marriage, by itself, does not enable you to overcome adversity.
Some mistakenly think: “If only I could get married, it would solve all my problems.”
On the contrary: Whatever problems you had before you were married, will still be there after you are married – only they will be bigger. When you live close to another person, 24/7, it has a way of bringing out into the open problems that until now could be covered up. So that:
– Selfishness before marriage, becomes far more obvious in marriage.
– A bad temper before marriage, becomes far more obvious in marriage.
– Lack of communication before marriage, becomes far more obvious in marriage.
The baggage you bring into a marriage does not get solved by getting married; if anything, the problems you bring into a marriage just become more obvious.
Marriage, by itself, doesn’t solve your personal problems.
What does solve your problems is the third One in your marriage.
Where God is in your marriage, you can resolve even the biggest problem together, through Him!
There is “a friend [that] loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Prov 17:17)
And there is “a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov 18:24)
That Brother is: Christ! (Heb 2:11)
What a friend we have in Jesus
all our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Matthew Henry said: “Where two are closely joined in holy love and fellowship, Christ will by his Spirit come to them, and make the third; and then there is a threefold cord that can never be broken. They that dwell in love, dwell in God, and God in them.”
“Two are better than one.”
“And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”