Back in 1903 a 20 year old Kenneth MacRae “went forward” at a R. A. Torrey evangelistic campaign in Edinburgh.
There, having “invited all who wished to be saved to come forward to the front seat”, Dr. Torrey read from John 1:12, then “asked if they were willing to receive Christ”, and then bade them, before the assembled audience, “confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus” (Rom 10:9).
That was it; they were then pronounced saved.
It may have been there was “enough gospel in Torrey’s preaching to be blessed to the conversion of souls,” yet the whole “mechanical” approach in this procedure tended to “hasten some to ‘conversion’ who did not know the divine work of regeneration, and thus to encourage ‘results’ which might well prove to be temporary rather than permanent.”[1]
It proved to be so with Kenneth MacRae, whose ‘conversion’ was temporary; before long he came “to consider Christianity a farce and the Scriptures an imposture.” He says: “My creed then was to walk uprightly – if there was a God he would acknowledge me, if not I would be no worse than others.”
But God did not leave him there. Within five years, through the providence of God he suffered “broken plans and grievous disappointments” that left him undone.
He wrote:
The clouds of sorrow darken o’er my life,
The darkness round bespeaks the coming strife,
When woes and trials shall my soul beset,
When friends shall seek to snare me in their net;
No radiance breaks the blackness of the sky,
No star of hope my searching eyes espy;
O God, ’tis night.
“I was in extremity,” he writes, “but instead of calling upon God I was only railing against him.” Nevertheless, searching high and low to find relief, he began going from church to church; but he “got nothing”.
Then, after many months, “on the lonely summit of Bell’s Hill in the Pentlands” the Lord spoke to his soul, and (he records) “in the twinkling of an eye, my will, my affections, my mind – the whole outlook of my life was changed.”
How thankful he was that God did not leave him to prosper in complacency following his earlier spurious ‘conversion’, but chastened him till the Lord found him. “I had been undone if I had not been undone,” he says. “I had been ruined if I had not been ruined. God orders lesser afflictions that we may escape greater.”
“No chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Heb 12:11)
Kenneth MacRae finally found gospel preaching to feed his soul in St Columba Free Church in Edinburgh; and later went on to serve Christ as an effective pastor and evangelist in the Free Church (including time here in Australia) for 50 years.
“I had been undone if I had not been undone.”
Israel
This was the history of the period of the Judges; in fact, the history of God’s people throughout the Old Testament: They were undone, until they were undone.
“When they sin against You and You become angry with them and deliver them to the enemy;
“Yet when they come to themselves, and repent, and make supplication to You, saying, ‘We have sinned and done wrong, we have committed wickedness’; and when they return to You with all their heart and with all their soul;
“Then hear in heaven Your dwelling place their prayer and their supplication, and forgive Your people who have sinned against You, and grant them compassion.”
(1 Kings 8:46-50)
The Prodigal Son
This was the Prodigal Son: Insensitive, demanding his inheritance while his father still lived. Immoral, devouring his inheritance on harlots. Self-centred, living it up, the original party animal.
But giving no thought to where he was heading, as long as he was “successful”.
Till finally, undone; living like a pig in a pigsty, scrounging food from the pigs. Only then, after “he came to himself”, does he look to return home: “I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned.’” (Luke 16:18)
Returned, restored, forgiven: “I had been undone if I had not been undone.”
John Newton
This was John Newton: Insensitive, immoral, self-centred. Serving on slave ships he engaged in kidnapping and trafficking in slaves. With no thought to where he was heading, as long as he was “successful”.
Then made a slave himself to his employer’s negro wife in the West Indies. Denied even basic rations, he lived like a pig, pulling up roots in the forest to fill his empty stomach.
Rescued by a friend of his father’s he was on his way back to England by ship, when they went through a terrific storm, and sprang a leak. Every day for the next four weeks they were certain, “this day, the ship will sink; we will all drown.” And their rations began to run out.
Undone, John Newton began reading the Bible, desperate to find out if the God he had rejected for so long was real. Just when the last of their food was used up they reached Lough Swilly in Ireland, and put into port. If they had gone one more day at sea, the ship would have disintegrated; they would all have drowned.
John Newton wrote in his diary that day: “Today I have begun to know that there is a God that hears and answers prayer.”
Soon, genuinely converted, he found peace with the God who forgives our sins. He went on to join his friend William Wilberforce in fighting to have the slave trade abolished.
“’Twas grace that taught [his] heart to fear” before ever “grace [his] fear relieved”.
“I had been undone if I had not been undone.”
Myself
I think too of times when the Lord has ‘ruined’ my plans, but by doing so has kept me from pursuing what would have ultimately ruined my soul. Looking back, I am as thankful for prayers the Lord has not answered (at least the way I wanted) as I am for prayers He has answered. The Lord has used my undone-ness to rein in overweening pride “lest being puffed up I fall into the same condemnation as the devil.” (1 Tim 3:6).
Truly, it was “not joyful at the time, but painful” and, with the apostle Paul, I cried out, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”; yet afterward, “I thanked God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Rom 7:24f)
“I had been undone if I had not been undone.”
Marriage
I am thankful for my marriage. In marriage you live so closely and intimately with another person it is hard to hide behind your sin. You see undone-ness in stereo: your sinful attitudes affect not only you, but your spouse as well, leaving her undone.
This is obvious when it comes to things like adultery, drunkenness, domestic violence and abuse.
But it is also the case wherever there is selfishness and self-centredness. A man who desires to “love his wife as Christ loves the church”, a woman who desires to “submit to her husband, as to the Lord”, will soon feel themselves undone, all the more seeing their spouse undone, when they sin against the other. But their undone-ness will lead to the road to recovery.
Of course, this will not always be so. Ever since the Fall marriage partners have tried to hide their sin by blaming the other for their own faults. “The woman whom You gave to be with me made me do it” (Gen 3:12).
Even when it comes to in-your-face transgressions like those above: adultery, drunkenness, domestic violence and abuse, it is not uncommon for the sinning partner to blame the one sinned against.
But there is always hope for the sinner who, convicted by the uncomfortable voice of conscience, feels his undone-ness, and acts upon it. As Ralph Davis noted: “Whenever God brings a man to the end of himself, smashing all his props and wasting his idols, it is a favourable moment indeed. If he will but see it.”
I remember once counselling a man in just such a situation:
“One day soon – today, tomorrow, in 20 or 30 years, but one day soon – you will be dying. On that day, do you really want to have this on your conscience: the harm you have done to your wife and family? Please, I don’t want that for you. We all sin, we have all had horrible stuff on our consciences. I really want you to be able to depart this life knowing you have done all you can to set right the trouble you brought on your wife and family. I really want you to be at peace with them, and with the Lord. Sincerely.”
May the Lord make us thankful for our undone-ness, knowing that it is the goodness of God. And, “knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance.” (Rom 2:4)
[1] Iain H. Murray (ed.), Diary of Kenneth MacRae (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1980), p. 10