I am thankful to God for the true friends He has given me.
I am thankful for loyal friends in this day and age when, with the Psalmist, we may be tempted to cry: “Help, Lord, for no one is faithful anymore; those who are loyal have vanished from the human race.” Psalm 12:1

Also, with the rise of social media, the word “friend” has become all but meaningless. While you may have some who are true friends on social media, the vast majority are probably no more than acquaintances – if that.
And then there are “friends” who are no friends at all. Proverbs 18:24 (NLT) tells us: “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other”. Though thankfully it goes on: “But a real friend sticks closer than a brother.”

What is a real friend?
I found the following comments by Alistair Begg insightful and helpful…

by Alistair Begg

There is none for whom friendship is not of vital importance. Not one of us likes to feel that we have no friends.
And yet loneliness, even in the midst of a crowd – or perhaps we should refer to it as “aloneness” – aloneness, even in the midst of a crowd, is one of the unattractive characteristics of our society.

Jung has described the central neurosis of our time as emptiness; and indeed, as our world becomes increasingly depersonalized and increasingly technical, it is not unusual for us to feel that the vast majority of material that is landing in our mailbox – either electronic or wooden or plastic – is really frankly irrelevant, and that nobody really cares.
And while it may be a while since we’ve had a letter that begins “Dear 00069153, We want you to know we have a personal interest in your welfare,” nevertheless, we understand what it is to get that kind of mail, and it does not touch our lives.

What are the characteristics of a true friend?

1. Loyal

A true friend is always loyal, Prov 17:17. [“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born for a difficult time”]
Or if we want to use another word, we would say that friendship is marked by consistency: “A friend loves at all times.”

In other words, this friendship is not based on things that are passing away.
So much of our culture alienates us on the basis of certain external characteristics; but genuine friendship, while not unaware of those things, overlooks them – or looks beyond them – and remains consistent.

It’s not the kind of friendship that was known by the Prodigal.
You remember in Luke chapter 15, where, apparently, when everything was going swell, he had plenty of folks who were around him. But when his fortunes turned bad and he ended up working feeding pigs, then all of his friends deserted him. Well, of course, they weren’t friends at all! He didn’t have a decent friend in the world, because friendship is marked by consistency.

The real question about friendship has to do with loyalty. Being prepared to stay with the person through thick and through thin, whether they’re successful or unsuccessful, whether they are still to our liking or not to our liking, irrespective of whether they have offended us or not.
Friendship establishes loyalty at all times. When you’ve made a fool of yourself and a royal hash of things, you need at least one friend to whom you will go and will say to you, “But you haven’t done a permanent job of it. There is still hope.”

2. Honest

Genuine friendship is marked not only by loyalty but also by honesty. It is impossible to enjoy friendship or to establish friendship if dishonesty is part of what is going on.
And dishonesty, of course, appears in a number of ways; I’m going to mention them.
In Proverbs 27:6, we read the “wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
Doesn’t this just seem very paradoxical? Of course, it is. But the point that Solomon is making is that when you receive a wound from a friend, you can trust it. But you shouldn’t trust the multiplications of kisses.

Now, of course, this is very, very important, isn’t it? And we don’t want to overstress it one way or another; otherwise, we may become very, very skeptical and be afraid of anybody who would show affection to us at all.

But the warning is very, very clear. And indeed, the challenge is there: Am I the kind of person who is able, because of the well-being of my friend, to wound them, not in a way to discourage them or dispirit them or bring them down – but on the few occasions, if you like, that I take out my sword, do I wound because I long for their best?
Do I inflict pain for their progress? Or do I inflict pain just because I’m bad?

Proverbs 28:23 says that “he who rebukes a man will afterward find more favour than he who flatters with his tongue.”
Our whole society is put together in such a way that if you go and say nice things to people and butter them up and say all those things, that somehow endears you to them, that’s what makes the world go round. Most of it is fatuous. It is irrelevant. It is spurious. It is often unhelpful. “The man who flatters his friend,” says Solomon, Proverbs 29:5 “spreads a net for his feet.”
See, flattery is really the flip side of honesty. A rebuke, the Bible tells us, may well transform us. Flattery will only trip us up.
If you reflect on those who have been the best of friends to you, I think you will probably find that this truth and this principle is borne out.

A Word of Caution: 

Someone says: “The only reason I’m telling you about all of these things is because I care about you.”
Well, I’m sorry, I don’t believe you. ’Cause I’ve never, ever seen you, I’ve never spoken to you, we’ve never had a conversation. I’ve got the sneaking suspicion the reason you sent me this lengthy list of my dreadful faults and horrible characteristics is because you wanted the opportunity just to tell me what a pain in the neck I am. I know I’m a pain in the neck. I’ve been trying to deal with it, but I didn’t want to hear from you.

Now, from my wife, that’s a different story, because “he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) Every pastor should have a wife, if for no other reason than to keep him humble. And every pastor’s wife should carry around with her a gigantic pin, in order to burst the bubble of her husband’s ego every time it gets beyond a very small diameter.

3. Sensitive

This kind of friendship will not only be honest, but it will also be sensitive. Not simply honesty and loyalty, but sensitivity.
Friendship must always carry with it a sense of the appropriate.

It’s not good enough to make cutting comments, as we are often tempted to do, the kind of comments that damage, and then to say, following them, “Well, you know, I’m only joking.” Listen again to Solomon: “A man who is caught lying to his friend and says, ‘I was just fooling,’ is like a madman throwing around firebrands, arrows, and death.” (Proverbs 26:18-19)
Those of us who talk more than we ought cannot get ourselves extricated from a lot of the chaos that we cause by simply seeking to dismiss it with a cursory statement: “Ah, but I was only kidding!” or “Oh, it was just a joke!” or “I didn’t really mean it!” ’Cause once the word is out, it’s out, whether you meant it or not.
Our use of language, especially amongst our peer group and especially amongst our acquaintances and those who are our potential friends, is very, very important. You can break a heart in just a word or two, and you may take a lifetime to try and repair it. A sensitive heart in friendship will say no to gossiping. Because “a gossip separates friends.” (Proverbs 16:28)

On the contrary, another staggering statement: “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)
Do you see what he’s saying? Not somebody who says, “We’re not going to call sin, sin,” or “We’re not going to call wrong, wrong.” But somebody who is obeying the New Testament injunction, understanding that love covers over a multitude of sins: “Yes, I know you did that. Yes, I understand that that was a disaster. Yes, of course I do. But let us cast over it a veil of silence. Let us seek, by God’s enabling, to remember it no more. For surely that is how God keeps a record—no record at all! Written clear. So you can look me in the eye, and I will tell you, ‘It will never pass from here, this moment.’”
With that individual you may have confidence. But the person who “repeats the matter separates close friends.”

My dear friends, let me tell you this: that when you trace a loss of friends in the journey of your life and you cannot understand what happened, I can guarantee you that a significant amount of the time, what happened in separating you from her or him from him is gossip and the repetition of matters that should have been buried immediately they came to light.

A Word of Caution: 

It is very, very important that you choose the right kinds of friends. Because not everybody who wants to come alongside you, not everyone who wants to get into your space, not everyone who is interested in establishing some kind of interest in you necessarily is motivated by any genuine sense of friendship.
The Puritans were very clear on this. Let me give you one of them [George Swinnock, The Christian Man’s Calling]:

“In the choice of a bosom friend [some respect] ought to be had to his prudence. Some men, though holy, are indiscreet, and in point of secrets are like sieves – [they] can keep nothing committed to them, but let all run through. A blab of secrets is a traitor to society, as one that causeth much dissention. It is good to try him [test him] whom we intend for a bosom friend before we trust him…
“Many complain of the treachery of their friends, and say, as Queen Elizabeth, that in trust they have found treason.”

That’s very, very important. Because how in the world can you ever share your heart, your life, your mind, your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your aspirations with somebody who’s like a sieve?

Friendship – this kind of friendship, marked by honesty and consistency and sensitivity – is the standard which the Bible holds up to us and which, when we look at it, we find ourselves so far short of it and saying:

“Is there really any friend who perfectly embodies all these characteristics?”

The Ultimate Friendship

No one embodies this more perfectly than Jesus.
He is the ultimate “real Friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Earthly friends may fail or leave us,
One day kind, the next grieve us,
But this Friend will [never] deceive us,
Oh, how he loves!
.           – Marianne Nunn

This friend is “the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
Never in a mood. Never lets us down. Never treats us capriciously.
Where can I find absolute honesty, complete sensitivity, genuine consistency? In the Lord Jesus. Here is friendship.
Where can I find absolute honesty, complete sensitivity, genuine consistency? In the Lord Jesus.

One of the reasons that some find friendship so difficult is because it demands vulnerability, it demands openness. Every friendship makes demands.
So does friendship with Jesus. That’s why we read from John 15:14: “You are my friends,” he says, “if you do what I command [you].”
What does he command us to do? To repent. In the first instance, “repent and believe the good news.” (Mark 1:15)
Turn away from our sin and turn to the Lord Jesus and embrace his friendship. Receive him as a friend. For his friendship extends far and beyond the bounds of, often, our human friendship.

Human friendships are passing. If for no other reason, death will separate us. Geography may remove us from the intimacy of day-to-day affection. Time may diminish some.
But it’s never true with Jesus. If you make friendship with him the first choice of your youth, if we sustain friendship with Jesus in the maturing years of our lives, if we look forward to his friendship for all of eternity, then no matter what we face, we can rest in him.

I’ve found a friend, such a friend!
He loved me before I ever knew him.
He drew me with the cords of love
And as he bound me to him.
And round my heart so closely twined,
These ties that nothing can sever,
Because I’m his, and he’s mine,
Forever and forever.
.            – James G. Small