It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a preacher in possession of a good ministry, must be in want of good friends.[1]
And not only friends “in ministry” (i.e. positions of leadership), but friends not “in ministry”.

The preacher who views himself as “The Lonely Prophet” is in danger of losing touch with reality. Unfortunately the ministry sometimes attracts “loners” who can’t get on with others except at a superficial level. Such readily label any who disagree with them as rebelling, not against them, but God – and then sadly resort to bullying to get their way.
They badly need the reality check of genuine friends.

Over the years I came increasingly to value genuine friends in, and out of, the ministry.
But you don’t discover those who are true friends without also being disappointed along the way by others, sometimes painfully so.

Colin Hansen recently commented on the demise of T4G (“Together For the Gospel”). While expressing appreciation for the friends he had made throughout the years of T4G, he was also reminded of others. He says:
“While browsing through my contact list from nearly 20 years in professional ministry, I had to pause due to discouragement. Dozens and dozens of names – nearly half my list – wouldn’t welcome any message from me. They had disavowed Christianity or at least Reformed theology. Or committed suicide. Or changed their political views. Or were convinced that I’d changed mine. In ministry you’re always losing friends. You don’t always learn why.”
Like all else in this fallen world, that which God originally designed to be a blessing, man so easily corrupts to become a conduit of pain.
This came home to me listening to Alistair Begg in his recent series of sermons on 2 Samuel chs 13-17, on the fallout following David’s adultery with Bathsheba.
What particularly struck me is the pivotal role that various “friends” played.

The Opportunist Friend

“Amnon had a friend…” (2 Sam 13:3)
Those words send a shiver up my spine: “Amnon had a friend…”

Amnon was first in line to the throne.
Amnon’s friend was Jonadab. He was Amnon’s cousin, the son of David’s brother. He was not in line to the throne: he was just an also-ran. But he was the friend of the king to be.
He was not a true friend: he was only the crown prince’s friend for what it would get him. He was only looking out for Number 1.
He was the friend of the king to be. And he milked it for all it was worth.

Ironically, “friend” is not the only noble term debased in this story.
Amnon’s half-sister was Tamar: she was “lovely”, “beautiful” (as was her full brother, Absalom). “And Amnon the son of David loved her.”
Really? “Loved her”? Loved his half-sister? That is not “love”!
Lusted after her more the truth.
Amnon became sick with lust.

But: “Amnon had a friend.”
And: “Jonadab was a very wise man.”
Really? “Very wise”?
Yes, it is the same word that everywhere in Proverbs is translated “wise”. Though, for good reason, here in 2 Sam 13, the NKJV translates it “crafty”.

Amnon was sick – sick with unrequited lust.
His friend is “wise”, and he tells him how he can solve that.
His “wise” counsel is to trick Tamar into being alone with him. Then, rape her.
Which he does.

But lust is not love. And after the act, his “love” quickly turns to hate.
He flings her out of his presence.

Jonadab was the friend of the king to be.
His “wise” counsel to Amnon was only what Amnon wanted to hear, not what was good for him to hear.
This is not a true friend.

Colin Smith comments:
“In a world where everyone talks about love, there are many who know little of what true love is. For Amnon, love was getting what he wanted. For Jonadab, love was affirming his friend’s desires and supporting whatever he wanted. But affirming what Amnon desired and supporting what he wanted is a long way from seeking his good.
“Beware of the friend who only ever supports what you want.”

Beware of the sin-coddler.
No one wants a know-it-all “friend” who, like the famous Alexander Cruden (“Cruden the Corrector”) sees it as his mission in life to continually correct your “faults”: that is not a true friend.
But neither is the one who will tell you only what you want to hear in order to justify your sin. In the end he is only serving his own interests, not yours.
“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Prov 12:26)

When, after years of plotting, Absalom exacts revenge on Amnon and murders him, Jonadab disavows his “friend” and “comforts” David (Absalom’s and Amnon’s father) with these words:
“By the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. Therefore, let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, for only Amnon is dead.” (2 Sam 13:32-33)
So, all this time, Jonadab knew of the threat to Amnon’s life, but made no effort to warn him.

“Wise”, “love”, “friend”…
Sin abuses these beautiful words and twists them to mean the opposite.

The Unforgiving Friend

David had a friend: Ahithophel the Gilonite.
Ahithophel was also wise, very wise: “Now the advice of Ahithophel, which he gave in those days, was as if one had inquired at the oracle of God.” (2 Sam 16:23)

But Ahithophel nursed a grudge – or so we think.
Commentators suggest that Ahithophel’s son, Eliam (2 Sam 23:34) is the same “Eliam” who was Bathsheba’s father (2 Sam 11:3).
If so, when David “inquired about the woman” he saw bathing on the roof top, and was told: “It is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite” he not only discovered she was married, but also that she was the granddaughter of his trusted friend and counsellor.
This should have been a double restraint against proceeding to seduce (or rape?) her.

Later, a year later, David deeply repented of his sin (Psalm 51) – and was forgiven (Psalm 32).
But, it seems, Ahithophel never forgave him, but nursed a perpetual grudge of bitterness.

Years later, Amnon is dead.
Absalom is now in line to the throne and is singing (to himself, at least):

• “I’m gonna be the main event like no other king before
  I’m brushing up on looking down, I’m working on my roar…
  Oh, I just can’t wait to be king.”

And he couldn’t. He led a palace coup.
Ahithophel saw his chance for revenge and joined him.

His counsel to the upstart?
“Publicly rape your father’s concubines.” (2 Sam 16:21)
Yep, that is the counsel of the wisest man in Israel. He wanted to ensure that there would be no turning back. The rebellion had to succeed now.
Later he even offers to put together and lead an army so that he personally can kill the king. (2 Sam 17:1-2)

Years before, David had done wrong, a horrible wrong.
But the wrong now was Absalom’s. You don’t take the wrong side in a present controversy to get revenge for a past wrong – especially one repented of. Take the right side in the present, whatever happened in the past.
But that is always a temptation, even with a one-time friend: to use a past issue to justify present betrayal. Ahithophel never let go of the root of bitterness in his heart that “springing up caused trouble, and many became defiled.” (Heb 12:15)
It is usually assumed that David’s words in Psa 41:9 are a reference to Ahithophel:
“Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.” (Cf Psa 55:12-14)
These words are also referred to Judas Iscariot (Joh 13:18).
Ahithophel who betrayed his friend foreshadows Judas.

The Loyal Friend

At least four times Hushai is called “David’s friend” (2 Sam 15:37, 16:16-17).
And he was! He was a true friend, a loyal friend.

He was also the answer God gave to David’s prayer when told, “Ahithophel is among the conspirators with Absalom”; and David prayed, “O Lord, I pray, turn the counsel of Ahithophel into foolishness!” (2 Sam 15:31)
Immediately after this we read: “Now it happened when David had come to the top of the mountain, there was Hushai coming to meet him with his robe torn and dust on his head.”
When David had lost everything: his family, his kingdom, his home, when his other friends “despised, forsook” him, his friend, Hushai, was there to share his sorrow and stick by him. (2 Sam 15:32)
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Prov 17:17)

This was God’s answer to David’s prayer. Hushai returned to Jerusalem to counter the advice of the all-wise Ahithophel.
But Hushai was wiser. Even in greeting Absalom he cries: “Long live the king! Long live the king!”
When Absalom challenges his loyalty, he replies in all truthfulness: “Whom the Lord and this people and all the men of Israel choose, his I will be, and with him I will remain.” (2 Sam 16:16-19) What Hushai speaks is true.
It is not Hushai’s fault that Absalom doesn’t understand which “king” he is referring to. 😊

Hushai does defeat Ahithophel’s counsel. “For the Lord had purposed to defeat the good advice of Ahithophel, to the intent that the Lord might bring disaster on Absalom.” (2 Sam 17:14)
And Ahithophel, knowing the cause was lost, like Judas went out and hanged himself. (2 Sam 17:23)

• “Should Abner die, as dies a fool
  His hands, nor feet, not bound?
  Yet even Folly was dumb when
  Ahithophel was found.”

What a Friend!

Hushai was the true friend, the friend of the King.
The Bible says (Prov 18:24): “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (or son, or nephew, in this case).
That is the friend we need.
I thank God for loyal friends like that.

In Jesus we have the “Friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
He Himself “is not ashamed to call [us] brothers and sisters.” (Heb 2:11-12)

Elsewhere He says:
“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (Joh 15:15)

Alistair Begg refers to an insight of his Old Testament professor, Dr. John Woodhouse:
“To be a friend of the king, as Hushai was, was not a symmetrical thing. The relationship between king and whoever was the friend of the king was a relationship that was disproportionate, so that it was entirely legitimate, if you like, for David to say, ‘Hushai is my friend,’ but not actually for Hushai to say, ‘And King David is my friend.’
“But the fact of the matter is, Jesus looks upon us and says, ‘Sarah, Mary, Colin, Michael, you are my friend,’ and Sarah, Mary, Colin, and Michael respond, ‘And Jesus, you are my King.’ The relationship is not symmetrical. ‘Jesus is King, and I will extol him.’ The fact that He calls us friends is a miracle of His grace and is not in any case a mechanism for presumption on our part when we address Him with a sense of intimacy.”

Jesus truly is the Friend of sinners. (Matt 11:19)
He is not an opportunist like Jonadab, seeking only His own interests. He truly does look out for the interests of others – for you and for me. (Phil 2:3-11)
He is not bitter and unforgiving like Ahithophel, nurturing a grudge for all our sins against Him. But God in Christ has loved us and forgiven us. (Eph 4:32-5:2)

And we – we, in Christ, are the King’s friends.
And He, ours!

What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!…
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?…
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
.                                         – Joseph Scriven

[1] Apologies to Miss Austen