We become discouraged when we feel rejected.
But “consider Christ” who in His, the greatest of all, rejection “for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross and despised the shame.” (Heb 12:2-3)
The Experience of Rejection
Even when rejection is impersonal it is painful.
E.g. Many who are applying for jobs during the present economic downturn may well receive many rejections before they are successful. Though such rejections are not targeted personally, the more that come, the harder to bear.
But more painful is rejection which is personal.
All at some time suffer this way. Especially Christians.
Preceding Hebrews ch 12 is ch 11, a roll call of God’s people who, through the ages, “were tortured; had trial of mockings and scourgings, and of chains and imprisonment; were stoned, were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword; who wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented; who wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth.” (vv 35-38)
We are to consider these and learn from their witness.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” (Heb 12:1)
1. Rejection by an Unbelieving World
Jesus warned: “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (John 15:18-19)
Ever since the blood of Abel was spilt by his hate-filled brother God’s saints have been hated by an increasingly rebellious world.
Jesus, and all the apostles, warned of this. E.g. “They think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you.” So, “do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.” (1 Pet 4:4,12)
2. Rejection by the False Professing Church
More painful is to be rejected by those who profess to be God’s people, but prove not to be.
Moses suffered rejection repeatedly at the hands of those he gave up a quiet life for, to lead through the wilderness.
Though, in truth, they were rejecting the Lord, not Moses (Num 14:11). In the end, the Lord rejected them: “They could not enter in because of unbelief.” (Heb 3:18)
Similarly the prophets in the Old Testament, and the apostles in the New, suffered rejection by those who professed to be following the Lord, but were not.
Since then, “a great cloud of witnesses” has suffered at the hands of the false professing church.
Witness Athanasius “against the world” in the 3rd C, John Wycliffe in the 14th C, Martin Luther, John Calvin, the Oxford martyrs in the 16th C, John Bunyan in the 17th C, John Wesley and George Whitefield in the 18th C, J. Gresham Machen in the 20th C – to name but a few!
3. Rejection by Fellow Believers
Even more painful is when those close to us in the faith, for one reason or another, reject us. David wrote of this:
It is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it.
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him.
But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance.
We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.
. – Psalm 55:12-14
Later, in the New Testament, the apostles similarly suffered by being let down by fellow believers. Paul felt this, especially in his correspondence with the Christians in Corinth; but it comes out in other of his epistles too.
One could go on to cite that “great cloud of witnesses” who, since then, have suffered rejection by fellow Christians – such as Jonathan Edwards at the hands of those in the congregational church where he had faithfully ministered for 23 years; or Martyn Lloyd-Jones, opposed by those in his presbyterian church in his nomination for principal of the Theological College at Bala.
4. Rejection by One’s Husband or Wife
This is in a category all on its own, as nothing can be more painful than to have one’s spouse walk out, when there is no fault (or, virtually none) on the part of the one abandoned.
In all my years in pastoral ministry, I encountered nothing so tragic or painful.
Things to Remember
David Powlison, in “How Does Sanctification Work?”, warns against the “one-size-fits-all” when giving advice to others in any area of sanctification:
“A word that really helps some kinds of people can prove unhelpful – even misleading and destructive – to people who need one of the other kinds of help that God gives.”
But here are some things that have helped me. First, some things to remember:
1. Remember who God is
I find this is basic to getting things in perspective.
God is great, His kingdom is over all. We, and those that hurt us, are nothing, and less than nothing, before this God. “Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket, and are counted as the small dust on the scales.” (Isa 40:15)
Once when we lived in Kenya, travelling from Nairobi to Mombasa, we had our eyes peeled to catch sight of Mt Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Africa. But though we could see a whole mountain range with their tops reaching to the clouds, we couldn’t see Mt Kilimanjaro.
Then we saw it: it wasn’t in the range below the clouds; it towered above, way above, the clouds. Suddenly that mountain range below looked tiny.
Beholding Mt Kilimanjaro got everything below it in perspective.
Behold our God, seated on his throne
Come, let us adore him
Behold our king, nothing can compare
Come, let us adore him
. – Bob Kauflin
We are all so insignificant compared to how great is our God, so why should I fear another?
“The Lord – this Lord – is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Heb 13:6).
Most amazing of all, God – this God – loves me! (Rom 5:8, 8:38f, 1 John 4:10)
Man may trouble and distress me, ’twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me; heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me while Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me, were that joy unmixed with Thee.
. – Henry Lyte
2. Remember who Man is
Be realistic: The best of men are men at best.
It is healthy to remember how you yourself may have hurt others, or let them down, in the past. The best of men are no different.
It is unrealistic to think that even good men will not let you down at times.
And if such are the Lord’s, though they may have erred in this, yet God – this God – loves them too.
Churches and synods are made up of such men, so that even the best can go astray in the decisions they make.
The Westminster Assembly (itself a synod or council) humbly confessed:
“All synods or councils since the apostles’ times, whether general or particular, may err, and many have erred…” – Westminster Confession 31.IV
3. Remember who Jesus is
Jesus knew rejection, more than any before or since.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
. – Isaiah 53:3
He was rejected by the world, and by the false professing church – by “Herod and Pontius Pilate, with the Gentiles and the people of Israel…” (Acts 4:27)
He was deserted by His fellow believers: “Then all the disciples forsook Him and fled.” (Matt 26:56)
Among all that “great cloud of witnesses”, the Bible singles out Jesus as THE One above all others we are to look to, who, though suffering rejection, began and ended His race in faith:
Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, who Himself began and finished in faith… Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.
. – Hebrews 12:1-2
Consider Him – “who loved me and gave Himself for me.”(Gal 3:20)
Consider Him – “who cannot but sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.” (Heb 4:15)
Consider Him – “because He also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth’; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.” (1 Pet 2:21-23)
4. Remember it is God’s training
Remember. The apostle speaks to those who “have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: ‘My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him. For whom the Lord loves He chastens.’” (Heb 12:5-6)
The Lord is training you; the Lord is conforming you to the image of Christ (Rom 8:28-29, 2 Cor 3:18) – as long as you look to Him.
True: “No chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful.”
“Nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
“Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees.” (Heb 12:11-12)
5. Remember what longsuffering is
Longsuffering is the first virtue of love listed in 1 Cor 13:4.
It is a virtue we are to exercise, not just with unbelievers, but especially with other believers. (Eph 4:2, Col 3:12, 2 Tim 4:2)
This means that, at times, we may be called upon to suffer, and “suffer long” – even at the hands of other believers.
Things to Do
As well as things to think, here are things we can do when we suffer unfairly, including when we suffer rejection.
1. Set right whatever you can
I do not subscribe to the: “There’s always fault on both sides” mantra. This can be especially hurtful and damaging where, e.g. a husband has selfishly abandoned his wife for a younger model.
Nonetheless, if there is any way you may have contributed to the rejection, even though it may be minor, it is important to set right what you can.
Let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.
. – 1 Peter 4:15-16
This does not guarantee reconciliation; the other party may refuse to be reconciled except on his own very specific terms. But that is his problem; it is still right for you to do what you can.
David Brainerd, when expelled from Yale for a rash private comment he had made, was willing to set matters right privately with all the parties concerned.
But the authorities refused to be reconciled and reinstate him unless he obeyed their unreasonable demand to publicly humiliate himself before the whole college.
In the end, Yale was the loser.
2. Be willing to compromise
“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” (Rom 12:18)
Look for possible ways of compromise. Where moral failure or serious doctrinal error is not an issue, most disputes among Christians could be resolved by reasonable compromise on both sides.
Again, those in power won’t always be inclined to see the benefits of reasonable compromise. The public removal, in recent years, of some well known evangelical leaders throughout the world, for always insisting it be “their way or the highway” bears testimony to this.
3. Nurture a close walk with the Lord
Do not fret…
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
. – Psalm 37:5
Commit your way to the Lord.
Pour out your heart and hurts to Him. Be open and honest; tell Him your struggles.
This is what the Psalmist does so often in the many Psalms of lament.
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
. – Psalm 13:1-2
Remember:
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
. – Joseph Scriven
4. Trust in the Lord, and do good
Do not fret…
Trust in the Lord, and do good.
Delight yourself also in the Lord.
. – Psalm 37:3-4
Even though it might seem it doesn’t “get you anywhere”, resist the temptation to seek revenge. (Rom 12:17-21)
Rather:
Make every effort add to your faith goodness, to goodness knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.
. – 1 Peter 1:5-7
Resist Satan’s temptation to become bitter, or cynical.
It is easy, when suffering rejection, to not want to trust anyone any more. But not everyone has let you down: appreciate those who have stood by you.
Focus on the good you have, be thankful.
5. Consult other mature Christians
Of greatest help to me in times of hurt and rejection has been the comfort and advice of my faithful wife.
But, as well, we need other outside input.
Appreciate and seek out those who are mature that the Lord has put in your life, who have demonstrated they genuinely have your interest at heart.
You need more than their support. You need their counsel to help you be objective, especially when others you trusted have let you down.
6. Be ready to forgive
Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who spitefully use you.” (Matt 5:44)
In particular, be ready to forgive.
During a difficult time in my life, a particular friend (among others) I consulted and who regularly gave me wise counsel drawing from his own experience was Dr Noel Weeks, who sadly passed away earlier this year.
Noel lived out his own advice. At Noel’s request, his funeral sermon was preached by the present pastor of a church that had mistreated him in the past, but had since set that right.
As Peter Barnes commented in a recent article in AP: “This was most fitting as Noel was a man who believed in the gospel of forgiveness and reconciliation. He did justly, he loved mercy, and he walked humbly with his God (Mic. 6:8).”